


Call x Or x Carry

by fragilesoftmachines, Jankenpon (orphan_account)



Series: Future x And x Advent [5]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Child Abuse, M/M, csa mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-01
Updated: 2014-10-01
Packaged: 2018-02-19 13:28:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2389985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragilesoftmachines/pseuds/fragilesoftmachines, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Jankenpon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eventually, Gon manages to keep his word and call Leorio.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

Gon stared at Leorio's name on the phone screen.

 

His foot bounced up and down against his knee. His left hand twirled and fiddled with the hair on his little sister's (was it alright to think of her like that?) head—tousled and messy, the deepest shade of black, it was the antithesis to Killua's snow-white curls, and although it was no less messy, it did seem a lot more elegant, somehow.

 

She had been leaning against him for about half an hour now, first talking excitedly and then settling down, seemingly winding down for a nap. Gon didn't mind—mysteriously, Alluka seemed to have crossed gaps that not even he and Killua had yet been able to entirely bridge with what seemed like zero effort.

 

Maybe it was that she was younger than he was. Or maybe it was simply he unreserved need for love and acceptance. But whatever the case, contact with Alluka didn't have that same electric and volatile quality it had gained with almost everyone else. Gon didn't find himself hyperaware of it, and as of yet had never found himself willing it to go away. It called up no memories, no discomfort, no clammy feeling on his hands or warm feelings on his neck and cheeks.

 

Alluka shifted—running her shoulder higher up on his arm, turning into him like a pillow, pressing her face against him. Her hand, small and lithe, campe up and brushed against his own as she draped a curtain made of her own hair between her and the train stop. There was a soft sound like static, a sleepy sigh, and suddenly the face he was looking down at had shifted. Turned into black gaping holes and a sleepy smile that was toothless and voidlike, but loving and lovable all the same, enjoying the play of Gon's deft and loving hand on her head.

 

Gon smiled down at Nanika, more than happy to let her have the moment. Killua was too careful about her, Gon thought. He understood why, and he knew that things were not like they had been to the point that his best friend ( _boyfriend? Some small voice wondered at the difference_ ) would simply accept his butting in and making decisions for them. But still, Gon's heart ached for Nanika, a spirit shut away from the larger world, even now. And for Alluka. So much freer, and still so trapped.

 

Well, so long as he didn't find out about this, he couldn't get mad.

 

Gon looked over at the boy in question on his other side. Leaning into the wall, away from him, he had been asleep quietly a few minutes ago—of this, Gon was sure. Now though, those piercing blue eyes were staring straight at him, a small smile—sly and knowing, and maybe even a little sultry, playing on his lips.

 

Killua met his gaze, but the wisecrack Gon had been expecting didn't come. Instead, Killua's eyes and lips softened, settled more obviously onto Gon's hand playing with Alluka's hair.

 

“You look like quite the happy pair of siblings. So picturesque.” he said, drawing a knee up high into himself, like he was drawing up a shield. Killua was always drawing shields up.

 

Gon had no idea what the word he said meant, but it made him smile anyway. “Jealous?” he shot back. He was pretty sure Killua couldn't see Alluka's face from that angle, and he was equally sure it wouldn't matter. But oh well.

 

 

“Maybe a little, I suppose...” Killua's eyes closed, and his neck arched high and back. If he did notice, he opted not to make a bigger scene of it. Gon was glad. “Thinkin' about calling Leorio?” he asked, and Gon started a little, then loosed a small laugh. Couldn't get anything past Killua.

 

“Yeah, I guess...” a small smile played on his lips. Leorio. Of the three closest friends he'd made in his travels, during those years on Whale Island, Leorio had been the one he'd stayed in contact with most often. Killua's messages had been rare and brief, and after Yorknew Kurapika had come to him only in bits of second-hand news. He missed her (apparently, she now went by she?) but he believed in her, and what's more, he knew she'd call if she had need of him. It was important that she finished what she needed to.  
  
But Leorio? Up until the day he left under Alluka's contract, Leorio had been a constant. Almost every week, he'd find the time to check up on him, give him updates on friends, and sometimes even help with homework. Gon had never quite worked up the nerve to mention his frustration and discomfort at the time, but his attempts at romance with Killua were making it clear that it was a lot more serious than that. Killua was right: Gon needed help, and he knew Leorio was the best he was going to get.

 

Still though. He knew it was unfair, but the uncertainty invaded his heart once again. Leorio was a doctor. Leorio was, in many ways, the big brother ( _that's not quite right_ ) he never had. So why did it make him so nervous to try and think of his reaction to what he had to say?

 

He remembered Leorio talking about women often and fondly. He remembered feeling confused and a little lost during that one, barely remembered, part of the Hunter Exam when Leorio had done...well, something, with a woman. It had cost them a lot, he remembered that. The rest was blurry. Still, the general impression in his memories was undeniable: Leorio loved women, and when the subject was broached, he was apt to laugh.

 

Gon wasn't sure he could stomach the thought of Leorio—big Leorio, kindly Leorio, Leorio who always watched out for them-- laughing him off, telling him he was making mountains out of molehills, asking if he was a mouse or a man, or something like that. He didn't think he would, and he didn't like doubting his friends ( _or his family_ ), but...

 

“You could ask Biscuit, you know. Or Wing-san.” Killua said, adjusting against the wall again.

Gon took notice that he seemed almost as fidgety as he did, like he couldn't get comfortable. Killua met his eyes with a single one of his, at an angle. “Or Mito-san, actually. Have you never talked to her about it?”

 

Gon cringed, biting back the hiss in his lips. Yes, Mito-san. That was the worst of it, wasn't it...?

 

His own voice, angry and childishly cruel, reverberated in his own head.

  
 _Stop treating me like a kid! I don't need you to look after me all the time!_

 

“Uh, sorry...” Killua's voice, morose and hesitant, brought him mercifully out of the memory. Gon met his eyes again. The worry in them was plain, and the guilt, but what really got to Gon was the way Killua's hand was outstretched—halfway towards him, wanting but hesitant.

 

Killua was the one book Gon didn't even need to read to understand. Of course he wanted to touch him now. Of course he was hesitant. These things were so unquestioned that they didn't even register thoughts. Instead, he jumped directly to the frustration: That Killua would be stopped by hesitance at all. That, so unlike how he was when he was young, he himself also stuttered at it's insistence.

  
For a shrill second his heart pumped rage instead of blood, an angry declaration against the unfairness of it all: this strange mentality or illness, the way he'd hurt Killua, at Alluka and Nanika, hidden away from the world with them as the only defense against Illumi. Killua was stronger than either of them had every been, and Gon was quickly catching up with their daily training, and still he felt so powerless.

 

The frown overtook his face enough that he could almost see the bottom of his brow in his eyes, and Killua immediately understood their meaning but offered no resistance as he took Killua's wrist and yanked, pulling that white hair and lithe, long, stick-thing figure towards him. Their necks locked, Killua's hair swallowed Gon's sight, and for a second there was just Killua's breath on his neck. Gon breathed him in. Every time he did stuff like this, it seemed a little easier. A little less likely to cause pain to accept. He supposed he should be glad he was making progress, at least in some sense. 

 

Nanika pressed into one side of his chest, Killua's hand against the other, it didn't even occur to Gon to think he was putting on quite a show. “I hate it.” he said. No need to elaborate; Killua would understand. “I'm going to fix it. And Leorio's the fastest way to do that.”

 

He had no basis to say that. But some instinct told him it was true. For a moment he paused his ruffling of Nanika's hair to take the phone in his left hand, wrapping the right behind Killua's head (absently noting he was glad Killua had decided to try growing his hair out). He pressed his lips against Killua's and the other boy complied. There was the desire, both for Killua and to give Killua what he knew he so desperately needed and wanted. But there was also anger, and bitterness, and a determination not to let whatever was happening ruin him, ruin this, ruin what he felt about them.

 

Gon had always possesed some conviction that to allow quarter was to allow victory. He supposed sometimes he would simply have to pay for that. And in any case: not yet. Killua made to pull away, clearly worried about triggering another fit of shaking if he lingered too close. But Gon held him in place, an unspoken sort of begging in his eyes (only Killua would ever see him beg) and Killua complied almost instantly, not just to Gon but to himself. He settled down with his legs away from Gon this time instead, resting his head against Gon's bicep. He crossed his legs and pulled out his 3DS, ensuring there would be no risking further romance.

 

Gon had to admit he was a little glad. When Killua was distracted, it was easier to just stay with him like that. He wondered what it was that set off his memories, exactly, between them. Was it the desire for sex? Or was it the moments when they were holding hands, pressing lips, and Killua's eyes shone with something Gon could not quite define yet?

 

Sometimes, Gon looked at Killua and thought he could hear talk of dates and marriage and thought he caught glimpses of gloved hands and twirling dresses and high laughs. Those were the times when he felt the sickest. And wondering about it now was making him sick as well, he realized. His punched the thoughts away with all the considerable force of his willpower, gaining reprieve from them only long enough to look at his phone instead.

 

 

It seemed that with the kiss, he'd stolen something he needed from Killua much more than his breath. He'd taken anger, and the determination he needed to press. . .


	2. Chapter 2

“Gon? Is that you?” The voice on the other side of the receiver sounded shocked, more than anything. Gon smiled at the familiar timbre. 

 

“Hey, Leorio! It's been a while...” he said, and if his happiness was a little forced, at least he was sure it was only a little.  


“No kidding, chump! Just what are you up to? It's pretty rare for you to call!” 

 

“Haha, actually, there was something I wanted to ask.” 

 

“Ooooh? And what's that?” Leorio sounded pleased, happy he'd been come to for help. In the background of the phone there were sounds of people yelling and stuff being moved around. Gon wondered what he'd been interrupting. At the same moment, as quick as lightning flash, he was hyper-aware of Killua and Nanika, both pressed against him. What's more, he realized it would be too easy for Nanika—and therefore Alluka, to hear anything he said. He really didn't want her knowing about this, he was sure of that. 

 

“Sorry, give me a sec',” he asked. He stopped playing with the hair on Nanika's head, and she immediately looked up at him in protest. He lifted a single finger up to his lips and adjusted her so he could get up, and then gestured at Killua, who had leaned up and started watching him quietly. He walked away from them, watching Nanika scoot closer to Killua and Killua smile at her as he scratched her head. He wasn't sure what they said, focusing instead on the task at hand. He pressed the receiver against his head once he was far away enough, leaning against the far window, watching the scenery from the train rush past. 

 

“Alright, um... actually, me and Killua were wondering if we could maybe go visit soon?” Gon said, but the sentence hadn't ended before the thrilled _WHAT_ on the other end pushed his ear away from the phone again. He could hear, small due to distance but still too loud, Leorio saying _yes, that that sounded great, when did they wanna come in, then?_ And he laughed softly, enjoying Leorio's fondness for a second before making himself interrupt. 

 

“Um, well, before all that, I guess I've got a question for you...” he said.

 

“Well, what is it?” Leorio said, sounding eager to get it out of the way. Gon tried to ignore the feeling as his heart sank. He should've done this first, in case it went wrong. But it was too late for that. 

 

“Well...how do I ask something like this...” Gon said. There was a beat. It turned into a second. It turned into several as the silence grew awkward and then strained while Gon struggled to find the words that needed to be said. This wasn't something he could talk about on the phone. But how could he get the answer he needed without it coming to that? 

 

“Oi, Gon, is everything alright?” This was no good. He was getting Leorio worried and he hadn't even said anything yet. 

 

“Um!!!” He was forcing the vowel out like it was made of lead. “If you...If I...suppose someone went on a date or something. Right?” Gon could hear Leorio breathing in, could _feel_ him getting ready to hoot and holler the moment it was out. He interrupted fast-- 

“BUT!! But. They didn't like it. Like, maybe it wasn't bad, but they didn't really enjoy themselves or anything. Is that bad?”

 

There was a momentary silence from the other side. His sharp ears thought they could hear Leorio scratching at the hair on his chin and neck.

“No, I don't think that's bad at all. There's tons of ways romance can go bad. Why do you ask?”

 

Gon had to admit, just hearing that made him feel a little better. He relaxed a little. “Um, I don't really think it's something I can talk about on the phone. Actually, Killua thought you might be able to help, which is why I called to ask.”

 

Leorio was quiet a little too long. He wondered if he'd messed something up, said something he shouldn't have. If he had, he didn't know how or when. He fidgeted, and finally Leorio's voice came again.

 

“You know, Gon...I don't think I've ever heard your voice wavering like that.” was all he said. Gon couldn't help but laugh, but it came out too high—uncomfortable. The silence from Leorio's end increased in pressure, somehow, like he'd confirmed what Leorio had just said. 

 

“Really? Well, I guess...” Gon said. A weak attempt at keeping lighthearted. He was sure he wouldn't have fooled Leorio with that.

 

“I'll be waiting, then. You know my address.” Leorio said, and that was that. Gon felt like his execution had just been postponed. “And Gon... if you need to talk, don't hesitate to ask, alright? I'm only a phone call away, buddy.” There was worry in his voice, and concern, but suspicion as well. Gon wondered what Leorio could be suspicious of. “It doesn't have anything to do with Hisoka, does it?” Leorio suddenly asked, and Gon nearly dropped the phone in surprise. _Hisoka_?! What would make Leorio think that?

 

“Um, no. I haven't even seen Hisoka in years, actually. Almost forgot about him.” Gon said, surprised that it was true. When was the last time he'd even thought about Hisoka? He thought a few of his dreams featured the man on Whale Island, when he stopped to consider it. And he had to admit, the thought of Hisoka came with a vague, ill-understood threat...one that made his throat want to clamp shut and his palms grow clammy with sweat. Not as bad as the more pressing issues right now, perhaps, but...maybe Leorio hadn't been too off-track.

 

“Ah. Well, sorry for the reminder. Just thought I'd ask.” He could hear Leorio leaning into his chair by the creaking of its legs, hear him groan as he stretched to crack his back. “Well! I have a lot of work to do and you caught me just as I was going on my lunch break. Head on over as soon as you guys can, alright? Looking forward to seeing you again. And tell Alluka to keep Killua out of all those sweets!” he said.

 

 

Gon started to apologize, to say thanks, but the line went dead. At first he was surprised Leorio had hung up on him like that, but he quickly realized it was his phone that had run out of battery. He shrugged. Well, that was one awful task put off for now. And he had to admit, he was relieved now that he was fairly certain Leorio could understand.

 

 

 

For whatever reason, as he walked back to Killua and Alluka, thinking about Leorio came with thinking about Ging, and a wistful sort of feeling came with the both of them. Gon wasn't sure how to make sense of that. But soon enough, Killua's eyes (Biscuit's Blue Planet seemed duller to Gon's mind) flashed at him with questions crowding around inside them, and for a second the brilliance wiped everything out of his mind.

 

 

 

When his thoughts came back, they were farther away somehow. Less physical and immediate. Answering Killua, and then spending this bright afternoon with him and Alluka...yes. For today, that would be enough out of life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally!!! I get to officially introduce Bismuth.
> 
> Fragilesoftmachines has been with this fic more or less since the start and finally ze get to post what ze's been working on too! I am super excited. This has turned into a MONSTER and there is quite a ways left to go.
> 
> As ever if you want to keep track and communicate with us, our blogs are
> 
> www.optimisticduelist.tumblr.com (Me)
> 
> www.fragilesoftmachines.tumblr.com (Bismuth!)

**Author's Note:**

> Finally!!! I get to officially introduce Bismuth.
> 
> Fragilesoftmachines has been with this fic more or less since the start and finally ze get to post what ze's been working on too! I am super excited. This has turned into a MONSTER and there is quite a ways left to go.
> 
> As ever if you want to keep track and communicate with us, our blogs are
> 
> www.optimisticduelist.tumblr.com (Me)
> 
> www.fragilesoftmachines.tumblr.com (Bismuth!)


End file.
